Vague Ponderings of a Baby Brained Father 1

An update on the wee one and some musings.
To explain the title, ‘baby brain’ refers to the muddled, confused, disoriented awesomeness that comes with a child. It’s like the worlds worst happy meal prize.

She’s eating, pooping, and peeing well; sounds silly to mention, but it’s very important to monitor intake/outtake for the first little while to ensure the body is functioning properly. So I dug out an old journal I used to make diagrams in. If something isn’t quite right they, meaning hospital staff, need to know what is going on, so they ask you to keep a solid record of what is happening with your baby’s functions. I love the kid and have a very strong dislike for hospitals so I’m pretty anal about my baby’s homeostasis. lol I never thought I would be so interested in poop or pee in my life. Not really interested in the stuff itself obviously, I just like knowing she is healthy. I’ve cheered. lol
It was a little complicated the first day home last week, but things have smoothed out. Nothing is wrong, we just needed to find our stride.

I look at the book as another keepsake really. That will be fun to pull out in her teens… a friend of mines mother actually saved his foreskin. I kid you not! She showed me! lol (I’m not the type to inflict wanton embarrassment. I’d never do that to her but it’s still fun to kid.)

I’ve actually been collecting random things to do with the experience in order to put in some sort of keepsake box. Not really for me so much as her. When I was a kid I used to love going through old family stuff like that. It was like playing archaeologist! lol

She’s very quiet which makes me wonder when she’ll find her lungs and start making some real noise. I really do appreciate the quiet for now… it’s not what I expected. I’ve actually thanked her for it.

Maybe she’ll stay calm, but I doubt it. Hope for the best, expect/plan for the worst… you tend to have better days when you think that way, I do anyway. It makes for a pleasant surprise when things end up going better than expected… It also has the added benefit of being prepared for when the proverbial crap hits the fan. I was a boy scout. lol

I’m looking forward to seeing her hair fully come in and her eye colour develop. There has been lots of talk about whose body parts she ended up getting, but the hair and eyes is still kinda up in the air. I had almost white blond hair when I was very young. It progressed through the blond spectrum til it hit dirty and stuck. My eyes didn’t really set in colour until my early teens, which isn’t as uncommon as it may sound at first. Ask five of your friends if theirs did it when they were young and at least one will probably say yes. Mine were hazel for the most part, but my mother swears they changed in colour depending on what I was wearing. I do remember this, but it could very well have been a play on the mind I suppose.

Kristen is a ginger (I use this word with the utmost affection for redheads, don’t be offended please). Great mane of fiery red hair that she literally never has to brush; this means everyone and their dog, myself included, really hoped for a ginger baby. It was a possibility, if however slim. Kristen has beautiful chestnut brown eyes, while mine are green/hazel. The genetics lean towards fair hair and brown eyes, but my mom had brown eyes, my dad pale blue, and I somehow turned out green/hazel. Genetics are quirky.

Don’t take that as disappointment from anyone, Amelia. You wouldn’t believe how enthralled you have people. You really are, or rather were, a beautiful baby. “Gerber baby material” as you grandfather put it yesterday; nobody would change you for the world. I’m not bragging, it’s just an observation… one which makes me pretty happy. You are loved by so many.

I’ve never seen eyes quite as dark as hers. They’re just baby eyes, nowhere near developed in colour, but they are the deepest shade of navy blue I have ever seen in my life. Like looking into deep water in a crystal clear blue lake. The colouring around the pupil has a bit of yellow/brown to it. Kind’ve unique to me, though I’ve never really looked into an infants eyes like that before.

At the moment her hair, what little there is, looks to be dirty blonde. It’s hard to say though if it’ll lighten or darken; I would wager it will end up a coppery colour… or maybe that’s just me trying to find a ‘fair’ way to hope for something. Something inbetween us both. lol

I don’t really have a preference for what she might look like really as long as she’s comfortable in her own skin. It’s just fun to imagine what she will look like as she grows.

She does have my ears and my feet. Kristen’s nose and mouth. It’s really kinda useless saying all this… as she grows she could change a fair bit. Again, I just find it fun. 🙂

She did miss out on my ankyloglossia, thankfully. That is when the webbing under your tongue extends to the very tip and can potentially cause a number of problems, though it is usually fairly benign and just makes you a lousy kisser (or so one girl loudly proclaimed with no experience thereof in the smoking section in high school. That was awesome). Some physicians fix this “problem” “just in case”, as I have read in a few forums. I turned out fine; I had a speech therapist for a few months in grade 1, but there were extenuating circumstances such as being first generation Canadian from an English family. I picked up a bit of my grandmothers accent which made it difficult for people outside of the family to understand me. Oddly enough, I remember these therapy sessions somewhat and the woman had an English accent herself. lol She was also a bit of a b***h that liked to grab my chin and forcefully make me pronounce things to her liking. Roughly. I asked my doctor about getting it cut in my teens and he explained that he could do it… but my tongue would move differently and I would have to learn to speak again. I should have done it just for the experience, would have been fun. lol I kid.

I still notice that my voice sounds different; I think a lot of that comes from being tongue-tied, my upbringing, and the awful-matriarch-speech-therapist. People say it doesn’t but I have always thought it sounded kind of off. I decided years ago to let that one go and just assume I’m overly sensitive about it due to being told a lot at a very young age that I spoke wrong. “I can’t understand you, speak clearly!” It was like something from a Pink Floyd song, looking back. lol
I’m thankful she does not have it because I worried I would have to argue with a doctor about cutting into my child after reading a few people’s experiences about it on a facebook group. Some docs push it “just in case” these days (it can also cause problems with latching during breastfeeding). To that I would politely express that if a scalpeled hand went near my daughter for any such silly reason, I would ensure said hand never grasped a small tool ever again. I’m being facetious… but seriously, nobody cuts this child without due cause. lol

The stress is slowly fading, and I’m left with an elated feeling to suddenly find myself in a little, nuclear family. Dog included… and I must say Bailey has been handling this quite well. I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but I’ve taken to occasionaly calling her “nana” after the dog from Peter Pan that loved the kids so much. She’s very aware that this is mine and Kristen’s pup. She comes to explore, but keeps a respectful distance usually, though the odd time she sneaks a kiss in. lol

You may notice I don’t provide a lot of specifics about Kristen and Amelia at this point really, like, health-wise and the like; they’re doing well I assure you. I’m just trying to respect their privacy. I don’t want either of them to ever feel that this blog encroaches on their privacy or embarrasses them.

I’m currently sitting here at the computer in the living room, trying to entertain Amelia while trying to scarf down a bowl of chili some friends were kind enough to make us while a bottle warms. Kristen is sleeping on the couch nearby, Bailey is dozing on her bed in the corner. I should go to bed myself but I seem to have a very bad case of written diarrhea. lol

I stopped writing years ago because it felt like it wasn’t flowing naturally anymore. I had no reason to write. Lots of ideas, just no ambition to put them down to paper.

I’m considering entering as many writing contests in the coming years as I can. Short stories, poems, and the like. Maybe even try a novel.
I’ve been meaning for the past few years to enter the Bridport Prize Writing Competition, but I never did get around to doing it. I figure contests like this would be a good way to potentially earn a few extra bucks (wishful thinking I’m afraid) to put towards Amelia’s education later.

Obviously I would have to put more work into proper writing. Proof-read more thoroughly too, but none of that is a problem. You’ll find my writing style on this page is going to be less than formal. Formal gets boring awfully quick and just takes too long.

There’s too much in my mind I want to say right now, so I’m going to end this here and let things simmer a bit.

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